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Does anyone else hate when people tell you to “just trust me”?

If 2020 has taught me anything it’s to trust yourself and your own instincts about people and situations. If you have to tell someone to trust you? I think you May need to take a step back and ask why they don’t already trust you,

Sis, Take a Step Back

Sometimes, it serves us better to step away than it does to stay in situations that no longer serve us joy. Whether it be friendships, work, relationships or even dealing with our own issues, there are times when we need a break to find clarity.
It’s amazing what we can discover with just a little bit of clarity. We can see how toxic some people were, how much we miss others. We can see our faults, where we need to set boundaries, and so much that we just aren’t able to see clearly when we are in the emotions of a situation.
There are times, that I have stepped back from a friendship to view it from a new perspective. Some a few days, some a bit longer. Once I stepped away from for over a year before I was able to find clarity in the situation.
See so many times, we get ourselves into places and situations where we lose control from our logical brain to our emotions. When we do this, we typically see major blow-ups occur that we later look back on and think… HOW did it even get to that point? Let’s look at as the situation we are in is a fire. If we throw gasoline, or rather our emotions, at the fire- it’s going to explode. However, if we slowly put wood, or logic, on the fire, it will continue to burn. So if we want a relationship to move forward, we have to use logic vs emotions. Just like gasoline and wood have their places, so does logic and emotion. However, we have to learn how to use each in its rightful place so that we can better control ourselves, and better achieve the results that we want in the situations that we find ourselves in.

You are Responsible for You Boo.

I’m in a current situation where tensions and emotions run high. The overall condition has everyone involved that naturally would not know one another’s name, yet here we are, all bound together in this intense situation with ultimately the same goal, but all are wanting very different paths. No one in this situation is concerned with my feelings. My feelings are a nuisance to everyone else because they either stand in their way of what they want or complicate their job. Therefore, it is my own responsibility to handle things so that my needs are met. In doing so, I have to continually remind myself that I am only responsible for myself. I am not responsible for other people’s feelings. We are all accountable for our own choices and the outcomes of those choices.

See, you can’t take on those things for other people. When you do, you hurt them by teaching them that if they whine loud enough, someone will come to their aid, and they don’t have to pick themselves up by the bootstraps. You always place yourself in a situation when you are bound to become overwhelmed, burned out, and resentful. That sounds like a recipe for disaster to me, doesn’t it to you?

Instead, we set our boundaries to take care of our own needs and see that they are met. We find compromises with others without jeopardizing those boundaries we have put in place. However, when we release ourselves from the pressures of feeling responsible for others’ emotions, we free ourselves of that guilt and allow ourselves self-healing and self-love.
When we set these ideas into actions in motion, we can change the course of events, but more importantly, we can change our actions and emotions and THAT is what is most important in any situation.

Getting Healthy- Vitamins

So ladies and gents I’m sharing this because it is part of my own personal journey towards living a more healthy lifestyle.

Check out Care/Of Vitamins! These are awesome little personalized packs of vitamins that you can rip off each morning, throw them in your bag and take them when you get a chance. Literally for me- mornings with two toddlers is like pure murder trying to get the kids and myself dressed and everyone out of the house. I don’t have time to even make a cup of coffee or take my vitamins.

This site gives you a quiz, lets you customize it the way you want, shows you their recommendations, and puts it all together for you.

One thing I personally liked was that I blocked out fish. I hate being told to take those nasty stinky fish oil vitamins that make you gag. I didn’t even KNOW there was a veggie alternative- and they recommended it for me. Yay!

So here’s my life. In full disclosure I get points when you take the quiz or make a purchase (only points towards free product- no cash). This is something I am trying… check it out and see if its something you might like to try too!

https://takecareof.com/invites/mdefyr

Enough.

Have you ever gotten to the point where you hit the wall? Where you finally said you know what- I will NOT be treated this way any longer? Y’all I am there. I am there NOW. For literal months I have taken and taken mistreatment. I have accepted the words, the criticism, the nasty attitudes. I have internalized them and felt like I deserved them. However, I don’t. I don’t deserve crap treatment by people that are miserable in their own lives and take it out on others and neither do you!
What is it in our culture, that people think this behavior is okay? When did this become acceptable? When did we get the mindset that we have to be nice to people that treat us like crap? As girls, we are told constantly that we have to be sweet. Be kind. Treat others as you want to be treated. Yet other people spew their self-hate and generational curses all over us and we are left to clean up their mess.
Boundaries sisters. Set those boundaries and show these people that there is a LINE and you will put them back in their place when they cross it. It doesn’t make you mean. It doesn’t make you unkind. It doesn’t make you hateful in return. It shows that you have self-love, self-preservation, and a backbone to stand up for yourself.
Share in the comments a time when you felt like you were going through this as well!

Handling Our Reactions

I was speaking to a friend a few days ago, and a comment was made that hurt my feelings. It wasn’t so much what was said, but rather how it came across. I quickly replied with a response I should have handled much better, and it made a small rift much more than necessary. Have you ever reacted a bit too harshly in your words when you felt someone misspoke to you? We’ve all been there.

I know in this situation, I was ultimately at fault. I am not responsible for the words of others, but I am responsible for my reaction. In this case, I didn’t handle it well. We often find ourselves in a place of reacting from emotion rather than stopping and allowing logic to step in and calm a situation. When we use logic rather than emotion, we can quickly extinguish these types of situations and stop anxiety before it evens starts. As you go about your day today, consider this in how you respond to others. See if it doesn’t help to calm yourself and your anxieties in return.

Bouncing Back from Burnout

Through the MESS that has been otherwise known as 2020, I have been running through some of the most stressful times. Not only has work been on overload, tensions have been high, disruptions to our entire families routines, unexpected changes in our family plans, combined with the chaos that has been happening in our world, I’ve found myself suffering from burnout. Are you there too????

Maybe you’re experiencing it and you don’t even have the words to explain what you feel. So let’s look at exactly what being burned out means? Its a mental and physical exhaustion due to prolonged stress. Its oftentimes so complex that the only way we can even explain it is by saying , “I’m just tired.”

Having so many of our outlets restricted if not completely taken away, has certainly contributed to so many experiencing burnout lately. Disruptions to routines and uncertainty of what to expect in the future, and this has been ongoing for months. It doesn’t have to be one specific thing that pushes you to the edge. It can be everything that you’re experiencing combined. Perhaps its family and home responsibilities, perhaps its work, perhaps its an unexpected situation in your life. It doesn’t really matter, when you are exhausted, mentally, physically, and emotionally- it’s hard to bounce back.

Sometimes, burnout can last a few weeks, sometimes a few years. It just depends on what level you get to. This is why self care is so important. When you reach this point of staying stressed out, self care is less luxury and more self preservation.

Having lived in this state the last few months- all I can say is y’all I’m tired!

A few years ago, I spoke with a friend about the possibility of becoming a life coach. We both agreed how amazing that would be. However, we also were struggling to cover bills and the cost of the courses were a bit too much. Transparency y’all!

Fast forward a few years, I’m one semester shy of a bachelors degree in psychology and social work from Mississippi State. I mention this pipe dream to a friend just in conversation and she literally screamed at me. “DO IT!!!” Well, one night, when I wasn’t able to sleep feeling stuck in my every day life, I got off my butt and I did it. I paid for the courses. I worked my behind off and I got my certification. Sometimes, even when you have all of the tools in your toolbox of life, you just need that encouragement. So here I am. A certified life coach, on her way to becoming a licensed counselor as well.

You’ll see a bit of new options and info on LallieLee.com, I’ve added a Life Coaching page where you can book your appointment with me! I’ve also added a Tarot Reading page where you are welcome to book a session with myself, or the amazing and talented Mae. We both accept Venmo or Paypal prior to each session.

For my life coaching and tarot clients, I have an app, Nudge, that we meet through. You will also have your own unique and secure login and as a client will also receive The Daily Dose articles that I write.

Please celebrate the new beginnings with me!!!

Overcoming Anxiety

Anxiety sucks. There are no if, and or buts about it. Anxiety is difficult to live with and even harder to overcome. However, it is possible to overcome it- you just have to do the work.

Your anxiety will not go away until you understand that you have to dig down deep and find what in your past is causing so much fear in your present. Once you find that fear, you have to learn to work through the root cause so that you can let it go. Your spirit guides are going to keep you in a holding pattern until you can let go of that fear.

For some of us, its the fear of repeating mistakes, its the fear of failure, or its the fear of being hurt again. What we all have to realize though is that nothing in life is guaranteed. You can have everything you always dreamed of, but you could also lose it in an instance.

Understanding that you have the skills and ability to come back from anything that life throws at you that gives us the security we need. Its the ability to overcome loss, hurt, and grief. It’s losing every material possession and knowing that it’s okay because we have the skills and ability to rebuild the life we lost.

Once you understand, that everything you need to survive is within you, that anxiety is going to begin to fade into the past. You are going to be able to replace that fear, with the confidence that you can handle it. You just have to face the cause of that fear first to find that confidence in yourself.