No matter what you do in life, you will never be enough for some people. Some will walk away from you. Others will seek out to twist and turn every single thing that you do to make you look like the most awful person. Guess what? It will have NOTHING to do with you. Not a single thing. Sometimes they have to walk away for their own reasons. Others you will simply be a person they will see as in their way, or they will see you as competition they rather rip apart and put down than actually compete with. Either way, you are just a person they will never actually love and no matter what you do, whether you champion them, fault them, fight them, nothing you do will make a difference in how they see you or how they behave. They will be dedicated to seeing the you they have created in their minds, and sometimes I’m not even sure they realize it.
For years, I had several of these people in my life. They were incredibly close to me. I loved them and I honestly thought they loved me as well. I thought as them as family. Yet, the longer time went on, and the more I stepped back and looked at the actual relationship between us as a big picture I began to see that these were not people that truly loved me. They were people that picked me apart. No matter what I did or said, it was always twisted to make me the bad guy. Sometimes maybe they were right, but even when I had the best of intentions I was twisted to be made wrong.
Those closest to me told me to walk away from these toxic relationships for years. Yet, I felt a loyalty. Then one day, things just snapped and I couldn’t take it any longer and I broke the chains and blocked them all from my life. Several things happened. One- they never cared. Two- nothing in my life was lost. Relationships that I had truly cared about and their removal had zero effect on my life.
In my situation, I truly believe one was simply trying to control the way others saw me, and the other was trying to make themselves feel better about their own lives, both for personal reasons.They made me feel as though I would never be good enough, and that something was inheriently bad about me. These were people that should have been building me up, but instead took every oporunity to tear me down when the purpose did not serve them.
So why do we find it so hard to let the negative, and toxic relationships in our lives go? Why do we hold on to these people? They cause us to question ourselves, they question us, they feed us the negative narrative that they create. They cause us to question ourselves, to question our motives, to question our worth. When they no longer are able to change us, the seek out to change others opinions of us. It’s just not even worth it. If you wouldn’t accept that behavior from a spouse, why accept it from family or friends?
Do you have people like this in your life? How do you handle them? Do you allow them to change your own personal narrative?