10 Things You Should Never Say to a Foster Parent…

So, following up my Things to Never Say to Someone TTC post a year or so ago… here’s my updated version for foster parents!


  1. I could NEVER foster like that. I’d get to attached.
    •  Please realize how this comes across the men and women that get attached every single day to these amazing kids. We aren’t some rare form of human is perfectly cool when a child we have held through the tears, rocked to sleep,   poured every extra ounce of energy into doing all we can for is taken from our homes with little to zero notice and have no clue what type of environment they are going to. We are mama and daddy bears advocating for the needs and safety of the children placed in our care. But hey.. we get it- YOU’D get too attached where we only kind of sort of get attached.
  2. What are they in for?
    • Ummm… they aren’t in jail. They haven’t been accused of anything. They are innocent children placed in circumstances beyond their control. I kind of relate it to asking someone’s husband ” Soooo what’d you wife screw up so that you were the best she could really do? How’d she get stuck with you?”
  3. Where are their parents, you know- their real parents?
    • I rarely know where their biological parents are. When I do know, it doesn’t mean I need to tell you. Not really your business there buddy. By the way… when was the last time you saw YOUR parents? Do you talk to them every day? Have they done anything wrong this week? I heard ol’ Joe got a speeding ticket and was late for church. Like go sit down nosey.
  4. They call you mommy and daddy? Doesn’t that offend their real parents?
    • Some kids do, some kids don’t. I don’t tell them to call me mommy or my husband daddy. I let the children do what feels right to them and I don’t make a big deal about it and if the bio parents are offended then I pray they use it as motivation to do what they have to do to get their kids out of care. Harsh? Yep. True? Yep.
  5. Are you going to adopt? Why haven’t you adopted already?
    • So let’s get this straight… there are 15,297 steps from accepting a placement and adoption. We may be headed in the direction of adoption, but it’s always a curvy road with constant detours and uturns. We may get excited everytime we see a road sign saying adoption just ahead… but until we are in the courtroom signing papers it is still a journey!
  6. Aren’t you kind of like… stealing someone’s kid?
    • Yep. I was checking them out at the playground I just picked this one out. Now their parents have to try and fight for them back.  Go sit down with this bullshit. We have NO say in whether or not a child is reunified or if rights are terminated. That is up to the case worker, the judge and the bio parents. We are here to take care of the kids. If that childs plan turns to adoption- and we are attached to that child why the hell would we say… “You know.. this kids been in my home for months/years now. We love him, we’re attached to him, he’s our entire world but here let me throw one more trauma at him and kick him out of our house and hope someone out there adopts him” There are times when foster parents choose not to adopt, but trust me when I say that decision is NOT made lightly.
  7. Were they drug babies?
    • Were you? Once again…. not your business.
  8. What kind of problems do they have? I mean … do you really want to deal with that?
    • So if your child was born with Down’s Syndrome or Autism would really want to deal with that or you know, just give them up?
  9. My cousins nephews next door neighbors pastor fosters and they’ve adopted like 12 kids.
    • Cool story bro. I mean I get how that makes you an absolute expert on foster care.  No really… I get it.
  10. Do you make a lot of money from it? I know most people only do it for the money.
    • Riiiiiiiight. Because we just get the money and the kids don’t have ANY expenses. I mean day care is totally free (even with vouchers we still pay a portion) Clothing and shoes just fall from the sky like mana. Foster kids don’t eat and those that do can live solely off of WIC. Foster kids don’t need to play sports and those that do can use used left over sports equipment that someone passed over to them. Whatever. Trust me- the money the state provides certainly helps us provide for the kids but every single penny of it- goes toward our kids and their expenses.  The rest of their needs? Oh those come out of my budget because I’m going to make damn sure my kids have everything they need.

The moral of the post- think before you say soemthing stupid. It’s okay to ask questions, we love questions. It’s not okay to make judgements.

5 thoughts on “10 Things You Should Never Say to a Foster Parent…

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