I’m Not Where I Was…

I had a conversation with an old friend several months ago about life and how it’s changed and really how it feels like it hasn’t. I have felt so many times that I’m still in the same place I was ten years ago. In reality,

I’m not. So I often times find myself wondering why I still feel this way?

Let’s take a stroll down memory lane by about oohhh lets say ten years. I was single, working full time, supporting myself wondering why I wasn’t good enough, why my ex left me, why my dad hated me, going out way too much and drinking more than I should. I was a hot mess. Yet,I was independent and strong and figuring life out. I was barely making ends meet on a crappy apartment  and struggling to keep the lights on, I was driving an old beater car. I had nothing. Then I got sick and things really got hard. I was a mess y’all and some of the people I had surrounded myself with just made it worse. Thank heavens God placed a few angels along my way to kick my butt enough to make me wake up.

Where have I been? Let’s stroll back about five years ago. I was married, putting my husband through college at a  job that barely paid anything that I had been at for a few years, struggling to make sure we had extra $ to do what we wanted but having fun with my husband and our friends. I had a decent but cheap little car and had just upgraded my husband to a bigger newer truck. I was figuring out how to get ahead of where I was and making the best of what I had. I was literally fighting it out with my dad and dealing with the issues I had carried for so many years.

So where am I today? I’m still married, my husband has an amazing career, I’ve turned that silly little job making almost nothing an hour into a career and substantially increasing my salary. We still struggle from time to time but we are secure.

Am I in the same place? Clearly not. But the feeling continually wanting to grow is still there. It’s that feeling that makes me feel as though I’m still in the same place. That feeling of I’m not where I am going to be is still there. It doesn’t mean I’m in the exact same place, physically, emotionally, financially, it’s just saying, I am not satisfied yet. I still have more to accomplish.

Funny how life appears so differently when you take a step back and look at it with fresh eyes.

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