There is literally nothing more in life that I hate than when someone gets hateful with you for no reason. If you can’t be nice, just walk away. Don’t be rude, or go out of your way to be ugly. No one likes it when you do that.

I get it though. We all have those days, heck I have even been the one in that position before. Maybe you have been too. Truth be told, we will both probably be in that position again. The difference is when you catch yourself being that bitchy person to someone else, you have to be able to stop yourself. You have to be able to say, “Hey, they don’t deserve this and this is a me issue. I have to stop and redirect.”

Moms, let’s be real honest for a second. We expect our kids to redirect just like that. If we expect it from them, why aren’t we modeling it? Why do we make excuses for ourselves, yet we don’t excuse our kids or others? Before we point fingers and make excuses, maybe we need to learn to take a break. Step away, put yourself in an adult level time out and come back to whatever the situation is after we have had a moment to recollect and check ourselves.

Sometimes, that is what we have to do, it may not be the way the angry hateful smartass inside of us wants to be, but it’s the way the adult woman in us has to be.

Sis, give yourself the grace to understand that you aren’t perfect. Sometimes we fall into traps and situations like these but they do not define us. we are allowed to step away to recollect ourselves and it’s okay. It’s okay if we fail and have to eat a little crow. The thing that matters is that we use every opportunity to learn and grow and get better,

There is so much I’ve wanted to write lately but in all honestly… I’m a mess. My whole life is up in the air and we are just waiting to see what happens. My house is a wreck, my car needs to be cleaned out, I haven’t reset my budget for the new year and I’m literally coming home to cook, eat and go straight to bed most nights.

This is our reality. Right now, real life doesn’t look like an Instagram post. I am tired of feeling like I’m always trying to catch up , so…. I’m doing the only thing I know to do…

I’m cutting the radio on, I’m throwing my leggings on, putting my hair in a bun and getting to work. The best advice my mama ever gave me was to start in a corner and work your way back out. Whether it’s cleaning house, paying off debt, or dealing with life- best advice. Hands down.

So what does your reality look like right now? And are you being honest with yourself about the reality of it?

Do Not Belittle the Importance of a Strong Group of Friends

Surround yourself with amazing women. The kind that lift you up but also give you a kick when you need it. Remind them daily how amazing they are. When they tell you something in confidence, don’t repeat it. Look out for them. Stand up for them. Care about them as though they are your sisters. Why? Because they are.

See, women that support women have an amazing bond, and an amazing power within their group. Simply because they know, that no matter what, someone will be there to hold their hand as they pick themselves up. They know that they have a safety net that will help them when they down, and keep them straight when they are up. They know these women know their heart even when their mouths struggle to find the right words and they are given grace.

The secret behind successful women is simple. They know that they are capable of getting it done on their own. Yet they still know the value of having those strong female bonds that strengthen them. The female spirit is unique and should be embraced and celebrated.

In my circle, the women are amazing. They are literally what kicks my butt to work harder, to want better, to grow while keeping me sane!

Does anyone else hate when people tell you to “just trust me”?

If 2020 has taught me anything it’s to trust yourself and your own instincts about people and situations. If you have to tell someone to trust you? I think you may need to take a step back and ask why they don’t already trust you,

Sis, Take a Step Back

Sometimes, it serves us better to step away than it does to stay in situations that no longer serve us joy. Whether it be friendships, work, relationships or even dealing with our own issues, there are times when we need a break to find clarity.
It’s amazing what we can discover with just a little bit of clarity. We can see how toxic some people were, how much we miss others. We can see our faults, where we need to set boundaries, and so much that we just aren’t able to see clearly when we are in the emotions of a situation.
There are times, that I have stepped back from a friendship to view it from a new perspective. Some a few days, some a bit longer. Once I stepped away from for over a year before I was able to find clarity in the situation.
See so many times, we get ourselves into places and situations where we lose control from our logical brain to our emotions. When we do this, we typically see major blow-ups occur that we later look back on and think… HOW did it even get to that point? Let’s look at as the situation we are in is a fire. If we throw gasoline, or rather our emotions, at the fire- it’s going to explode. However, if we slowly put wood, or logic, on the fire, it will continue to burn. So if we want a relationship to move forward, we have to use logic vs emotions. Just like gasoline and wood have their places, so does logic and emotion. However, we have to learn how to use each in its rightful place so that we can better control ourselves, and better achieve the results that we want in the situations that we find ourselves in.

You are Responsible for You Boo.

I’m in a current situation where tensions and emotions run high. The overall condition has everyone involved that naturally would not know one another’s name, yet here we are, all bound together in this intense situation with ultimately the same goal, but all are wanting very different paths. No one in this situation is concerned with my feelings. My feelings are a nuisance to everyone else because they either stand in their way of what they want or complicate their job. Therefore, it is my own responsibility to handle things so that my needs are met. In doing so, I have to continually remind myself that I am only responsible for myself. I am not responsible for other people’s feelings. We are all accountable for our own choices and the outcomes of those choices.

See, you can’t take on those things for other people. When you do, you hurt them by teaching them that if they whine loud enough, someone will come to their aid, and they don’t have to pick themselves up by the bootstraps. You always place yourself in a situation when you are bound to become overwhelmed, burned out, and resentful. That sounds like a recipe for disaster to me, doesn’t it to you?

Instead, we set our boundaries to take care of our own needs and see that they are met. We find compromises with others without jeopardizing those boundaries we have put in place. However, when we release ourselves from the pressures of feeling responsible for others’ emotions, we free ourselves of that guilt and allow ourselves self-healing and self-love.
When we set these ideas into actions in motion, we can change the course of events, but more importantly, we can change our actions and emotions and THAT is what is most important in any situation.

Getting Healthy- Vitamins

So ladies and gents I’m sharing this because it is part of my own personal journey towards living a more healthy lifestyle.

Check out Care/Of Vitamins! These are awesome little personalized packs of vitamins that you can rip off each morning, throw them in your bag and take them when you get a chance. Literally for me- mornings with two toddlers is like pure murder trying to get the kids and myself dressed and everyone out of the house. I don’t have time to even make a cup of coffee or take my vitamins.

This site gives you a quiz, lets you customize it the way you want, shows you their recommendations, and puts it all together for you.

One thing I personally liked was that I blocked out fish. I hate being told to take those nasty stinky fish oil vitamins that make you gag. I didn’t even KNOW there was a veggie alternative- and they recommended it for me. Yay!

So here’s my life. In full disclosure I get points when you take the quiz or make a purchase (only points towards free product- no cash). This is something I am trying… check it out and see if its something you might like to try too!

https://takecareof.com/invites/mdefyr

Enough.

Have you ever gotten to the point where you hit the wall? Where you finally said you know what- I will NOT be treated this way any longer? Y’all I am there. I am there NOW. For literal months I have taken and taken mistreatment. I have accepted the words, the criticism, the nasty attitudes. I have internalized them and felt like I deserved them. However, I don’t. I don’t deserve crap treatment by people that are miserable in their own lives and take it out on others and neither do you!
What is it in our culture, that people think this behavior is okay? When did this become acceptable? When did we get the mindset that we have to be nice to people that treat us like crap? As girls, we are told constantly that we have to be sweet. Be kind. Treat others as you want to be treated. Yet other people spew their self-hate and generational curses all over us and we are left to clean up their mess.
Boundaries sisters. Set those boundaries and show these people that there is a LINE and you will put them back in their place when they cross it. It doesn’t make you mean. It doesn’t make you unkind. It doesn’t make you hateful in return. It shows that you have self-love, self-preservation, and a backbone to stand up for yourself.
Share in the comments a time when you felt like you were going through this as well!

Handling Our Reactions

I was speaking to a friend a few days ago, and a comment was made that hurt my feelings. It wasn’t so much what was said, but rather how it came across. I quickly replied with a response I should have handled much better, and it made a small rift much more than necessary. Have you ever reacted a bit too harshly in your words when you felt someone misspoke to you? We’ve all been there.

I know in this situation, I was ultimately at fault. I am not responsible for the words of others, but I am responsible for my reaction. In this case, I didn’t handle it well. We often find ourselves in a place of reacting from emotion rather than stopping and allowing logic to step in and calm a situation. When we use logic rather than emotion, we can quickly extinguish these types of situations and stop anxiety before it evens starts. As you go about your day today, consider this in how you respond to others. See if it doesn’t help to calm yourself and your anxieties in return.